Disappointment

Warning.... This is a jumble of thought and emotions that probably doesn't make since to anyone but me. Read on if you feel like you can crack crazy code.
Disappointing is the only way to describe today! Back the train up a few weeks... I went in to have a follow up with my Dr. after our failed attempt last month. Just as I suspected she said we need to move on to IUI (intrauterine insemination). I was expecting that and it was what I was ready to do. I had my baseline ultrasound and everything looked great. She started me on a new rx (Femera) that would hopefully have less side effects.  Fast forward... I've had next to zero side effects from the medication.  I have felt almost normal for the past month!The plan was to go in for an ultrasound (u/s) today and hopefully IUI sat or sunday. I went in for my follicle scan today, they are not even close to mature. My Dr. put me on a higher dose of the medication for the next 5 days, then back again next friday for another u/s.
I was also so excited to start our new insurance last month, because they cover diagnostic u/s which would save us a bundle each month. Well, because of the code the Dr. uses, my insurance won't cover them. I am not too surprised, just disappointed.
Going through the journey of infertility is a roller coaster ride to say the least. I have learned that it's ok to be mad, frustrated, happy, annoyed, indifferent and everything in between. It's ok to hate everyone around you that seems to get pregnant without even trying, as long as you realize that it's not their fault. Your time will come, and you will be just as annoying as all of those women you despise some days. Infertility tests your patience, endurance, emotions and even your insanity. Some days I even wonder if it is all worth it? Is is worth the stress, tears and heartbreak? Then a new day comes and think, of course it is! Every stress and disappointment only means that my joy will be so much greater than everything I've had to endure.
 Disappointment is really the only way to describe how I feel today. I just have to remind myself that we still have a shot at this. Tomorrow is a new day, but today, I am just going feel the way I feel.